


Broken Bodies, Broken Hearts

by raku (takanope)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Army AU, Eventual Fluff, Loss of Limbs, M/M, engineer!jesse, soldier!hanzo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-07-26 21:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7590226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takanope/pseuds/raku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hanzo enlists in the army to fight the war against the omnics, Jesse can't bring himself to miss out. Building limbs for soldiers and trying his best to contribute to the war at hand, he finds himself being sent to the base Hanzo inhabited. After he gets instructed to create limbs, he finally gets to meet one of the victims. Heartbroken, he fights to help him walk again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I feel it's important to say this and get it out there, so please bear with me on this.  
> This has bad timing, I've been writing it the last few days but only just finished editing it all. I want to say that I did not write this to make light of the incidents lately that have tragically left people in this situation. It was based off a drawing that I saw in a discord chat, I promise I don't intend to upset anyone.  
> If you do find yourself upset with this, please tell me and I'll take it down right away. I don't want anyone to be upset by my writing, I only ever set out to provide enjoyable and somewhat relatable things for people.  
> With that out the way (And I hope explained properly) the war against the omnics here is all personified. Instead of robots, I see them as a secluded community elsewhere. So Zenyatta and co. would all be human, however I have no idea what the motives for this war would be. Robots just don't give the same feel to it I guess.  
> Either way, I really hope you enjoy reading this and if there's anything you think I could change or improve please leave a comment.

Jesse had been there when Hanzo was deployed to fight the war against the omnics, watching as he left the small town he’d become accustomed to to fight a war not even he was sure he could win. And Jesse knew it would be years before he would see the man again, before long it became unbearable and left him with a hole in his heart. That’s why in the spur of the moment he found himself offering his handiness to them, creating prosthetics for the wounded in the hopes he was making as much of a difference as Hanzo.  
Soon enough he became infamous enough to be sent out, put there to help in a quaint workshop building day and night. Trying to fix the problems that had been caused as they left a wake of destruction in their path. The wars continued on and on, and soon enough even he was doubting they could win. And even though he was stationed in the same base as Hanzo, he never saw him.   
Gripping the torn newspaper in his hands as he quietly ate his rations, he let a sigh escape his lips as he saw yet another headline. Another bomb had gone off, seventy more men and women dead, twenty injured. The picture showed enough, a pit was all that remained. That was enough to spur him into action as he left. He’d come to make a difference, not to sit and mope over the deaths.   
“Mr McCree, I assume you heard.”  
“Damn right I did. Ain’t a damn way I coulda missed it.”  
“I wasn’t asking about the incident, I was asking if you’d heard. Somebody wants you to visit them.”  
Athena said with a gentle smile, and Jesse was sure his heart skipped a beat in anticipation.  
“Aight, which room?”  
“Seventy-six, just down the hall.”  
And with not so much as a nod, he clattered down the hall. He didn’t know if it would be him, but he hoped deep down it wasn’t because he didn’t know if he could take it. Pulling out the scratched and tattered keycard shoved down his shirt, he entered without a second word to see the familiar face that he had mapped so many times before staring at him as if times had never changed. The card fell to the ground, disregarded as he dove forward and wrapped his arms around the other man, careful to avoid the tubes that were plentiful. Feeling weak hands wrap around his back, he heard quiet sobs coming from the other man.   
That was all he could take, as the pair cried into each other’s arms. Cried over the war that had divided them, the war that had ruined the little utopia they had lived in for so long, the war that had taken so much. Pulling back, looking the man up and down he let out a sigh.  
“What did they do to ya…”  
He said, his tone hushed as Hanzo locked eyes with him.  
“They took my legs. The bomb, it detonated as I was trying to get people away.”  
Hanzo replied, a tired laugh replacing the silence that had spread across the room. And that’s when reality set in, knocking the wind out of Jesse’s lungs as his face fell. Yet here he was, still perched there with his arms draped loosely over his shoulders. Maybe, just maybe they might make it through. But for now the situation seemed bleaker than ever, and he realised that it wouldn’t be as easy as he initially thought.  
“I can make you walk again.”  
He blurted out, the words lingering in the air as reality set in.  
“Do not burden yourself with that, please. Spend your time helping the other soldiers, I will happily wait until after this is all over. They will have other uses for me I am sure.”  
“An’ now’s my time to get all mad. Ya lost your legs tryna save people, ain’t a better soldier than you ‘round. I’m gonna get you walkin’ again. Ain’t none of your noble bullshit gonna stop me.”  
With only a knowing smile from Hanzo, Jesse left without so much as another word. It felt foreign to Hanzo, he always used to be the one making sure Jesse was ok, staying by his bedside for days just to make sure he was getting better. But alas, times changed and here he was lying down in a hospital bed, half the man he used to be. There was no point trying to stop Jesse when he had his heart set on something, it was best to just let him do it. It was one of the many quirks Hanzo loved and admired about him.  
The next day, Hanzo had not expected Athena to tell him he had a guest. Figuring he could probably use the company, he gave her the ok and only mere minutes later the door swung open to reveal the dishevelled cowboy standing in the doorway.  
“Miss me?”  
He jived, slipping in and resting against the wall before him.  
“Keep dreaming cowboy.” Hanzo responded, though he couldn’t stop a small smile from falling onto his face. “Why are you here anyway, I assumed you would be busy.”  
“Decided I outta come see ya.” Jesse responded, before letting out a snort. “And that dratted soldier, Jamison ain’t it? Idiot blew up my office, nearly killed me an’ that crony of his.”  
With only a quiet chuckle, the room fell silent though it was hardly uncomfortable. Without a second thought, Hanzo yet again began to look at the man. His stupid hat covered a large portion of his face, though he could still see the eyes that always managed to captivate him though they didn’t have the shine he recognised. Looking down, he spotted the bags were even more prominent on his face than ever before.  
“You look exhausted.”  
“It’d make sense.”  
With a quizzical glance, Hanzo raised an eyebrow.  
“Didn’t exactly sleep las’ night.”  
“Why?”  
“Designin’ stuff.”  
“You know that you should be taking time to sleep, right? Even when fighting, we still found some time to sleep.”  
“I ain’t an idiot, I know I should be sleepin’ but it’s more important to get ya walkin again… I came to make a difference. I wanna do that still.”  
Silence fell upon the room, and Hanzo felt his heart warm a little. With a small smile, he lent back and soon enough sleep overtook him yet again. He could’ve sworn he heard Jesse say something under his breath as he left, the door closing as yet again he disappeared. For now, he was only able to hope for another visit, but alas it never came.  
Days passed, soon rolling over into weeks. Hanzo soon enough was able to use a wheelchair, and the sight was pitiful as he rolled into the mess hall. It was a familiar sight, and he spotted a few of the soldiers he had trained with over in the corner. Letting out a sigh of frustration, he began to roll over to them before being greeted warmly by them for once in his life. Conversations started, and soon enough his legs became a topic.  
“How’d you lose them?”  
“I was near the bomb, and tried to save our commander along with a few other soldiers. Sadly, my attempt was mostly futile, and I lost my legs in the process. There is not really much more to it.”  
“If you did all that why ain’t you got prosthesis or anything? Surely that McCree guy should have made you some already.”  
“There were twenty injured Gabriel, it’s gonna take a while.”  
“I have to agree with your friend, there were far more important people injured out there. He is probably prioritising them, for now I shall just have to make do with my wheelchair.”  
His heart stung, maybe Jesse had just been pulling his leg. After all, he always was a joker to the highest degree. He could never be sure, maybe he’d just get some mediocre prosthetic from a dead man. It had happened before, a man dies, another gets his leg. With such supplies so rare, it took time to get them. Some waited months, it was just the way their little world worked. Maybe his bid to get back, to continue fighting was futile. Excusing himself, claiming he needed to go back to get some medication, he rolled briskly through the hall. A nurse let him back into the room he had grown used to, and that was that.  
His legs were not the only things that he lost when that bomb went off, his confidence had been diminished to nothing. The depression that ate away at him as a child was making it impossible for him to deal with people and he was certain that at this rate his untimely demise would not occur on the battlefield by the hands of another, instead at his own hand. His time was only ever spent sleeping, that was all he could do. Angela had deemed it unsafe to release him because of his dependence on the medications that numbed the pain in what did remain of his legs. Sadly, there was no cure for the rest of it, after all nobody knows a cure for a broken heart.  
Jesse meanwhile had been working nonstop in the makeshift workshop, glasses perched on the end of his nose as he tried to keep up with his workload. He had been making prosthesis for numerous soldiers, yet here he was yet again working on Hanzo’s as if his life depended on it. He knew how agile he was, knew how much of an advantage he would have if he still had that ability, and thus tried his hardest to make it as effective as possible. Various limbs lay resting on the ground, most had only lost a single leg or arm. Letting out a frustrated groan as his arm locked up, he smacked it against the bench in the hopes it would work. Alas, it didn’t and he began to tug at the revealed wires clumsily, waiting for it to work.  
“How long has it been since you’ve slept properly?”  
A familiar voice said from the doorway, and he brushed a stray hair out his face as he turned to face Athena.  
“Depends, what’s the date?”  
“Twenty-seventh.” With only a groan in response, Athena grimaced and continued. “I assume it has not been recently?”  
“Damn right.”  
He grunted, before continuing to solder the pieces together. Hearing a quiet bang, he let out a sigh. His fingers ached, his eyelids heavy and yet here he was. Prototypes lay discarded on the floor, paper torn up and scattered on the desk from when he’d had a breakdown who knows when. But the work he was doing just couldn’t be put to rest, and as he finally began to engrave a single letter into the prosthetic it dawned upon him.   
That’s how he ended up visiting Athena early the next morning, finished prosthesis bundled in an arm as he handed them to her carefully. He could only hope they were as good as he imagined, but alas he could never be sure.  
“For Hanzo?”  
“Of course.”  
With that, he disappeared and deep down Athena hoped he was going to sleep properly. Pulling the prosthesis from under her desk, she let out an airy sigh. They were flawless, and looked strangely modern in comparison to some of the others. It was evident most of his time had gone into developing them, she could only hope they would work. Tapping her com, she alerted Hanzo that Angela needed to see him in her office.  
Angela had decided to do most of this whilst the other nurses were attending to the newly injured, transferring bodies to the makeshift wards they had had to add. Watching the man wheel in, she gently pulled out the two legs as tears began to form in his eyes.  
“Are they for me-“  
“Of course.”  
She said, smiling as she began to help him put them on much to his delight. He seemed overwhelmed, but continued anyway. Soon enough he was there, looking down at them in awe. Pushing the chair towards a set of bars before him, Angela encouraged him to get up. Stumbling forwards, yet again she helped him up.  
“It’s going to get some getting used to.”  
“I assumed so.”  
Holding himself with only his arms, reluctant to place weight on his legs, he felt a gentle hand on his back.  
“You need to put a little weight on them, otherwise you’ll never get used to it.”  
Tentatively, he placed a foot down, then the other. It was an odd feeling, yet there he was. Resting slightly more on them, he gently raised a leg off the ground and placed it a little in front of the other. It moved slightly under the weight, leaving him unsettled yet he persevered. It was the least he could do.  
“Can I stop for now?”  
He said, the pride in his voice replaced with weakness and fear. Feeling a comforting hand on his shoulder, he landed softy in the chair. A sigh of relief left his mouth, and he began to massage what little did remain of his leg.  
“You’re going to need to keep these on, just so you can get used to the feel. Just make sure to take them off overnight. You have more physiotherapy and such scheduled for tomorrow, so be sure to try not to oversleep…”  
The information was beginning to overload him, but he nodded and with a gentle smile began to leave. He hoped to see Jesse but he had no idea whether he was about to be as lucky.  
Of course, Jesse was asleep. Worn out from a month of tireless work on prosthesis for nineteen men, prototyping something for one as dear to his heart as his work. His dream was filled with memories from the stupid jokes the pair played to the times they fell asleep in each other’s arms. “Just friends” rang in his head, and the dream he had constructed for himself began to crumble.  
Waking up in a cold sweat, he heard his com going off and Angela’s name appeared. Ragged breaths escaped his chest as he grasped it weakly.  
“Is there anything I should know about Hanzo’s prosthesis?”  
“Nothin’ really.”  
“Ah ok, thank you.”  
“No problem. Just… go easy on him. His pride ain’t gonna be what it used to be.”  
“I will be sure to.”  
Throwing it lazily to the side, he felt his arms wrap loosely around the pillow to his side. Without a second thought he let sleep take over and darkness began to overwhelm him once again.  
Mere days had passed since Hanzo had begun to learn how to walk, and besides being more humbled than he could ever remember being, he was also growing to become used to the legs. Even just resting them on the floor was becoming less daunting, though he still couldn’t put one foot in front of the other as easily.  
But as the weeks went by, he found himself moving further and further. Having been evicted out his room, instead being left in temporary quarters it only motivated him more. The day when he finally reached the end of the bars was an achievement, and tears brimmed in the corners of his eyes. The incident had left him unsure if he would ever walk again, and yet there he was. Then one hand came off, his balance improving and his faith in them growing.  
Then the other hand came off, and all the hours of physiotherapy, practising feebly in the quiet of his room, all the effort he had put in became worth it.  
“Do you think you could lift the other hand off?”   
Angela asked quietly, watching him as if she were a hawk. Obeying her, he began to lift it off and was surprised to see he hadn’t tumbled over. Looking behind him, he got a nod.  
“If you feel ready, give it a go.”  
And with that he found himself walking slowly. And somehow, he managed to make it all the way back to his wheelchair before collapsing into it, adrenaline pumping through his veins and a smile bigger than life on his face. A look of satisfaction passed over Angela’s face as she began to write frantically but frankly Hanzo couldn’t care less about the notes. After a short exchange between the pair, he left and began to head away but not before he saw a familiar face just before Athena, quite obviously conversing, probably about all the other projects he had been working on. Maybe… Maybe he could push himself. Gently putting his weight on the legs, he took steady steps towards the other man. Athena was staring agape, but Jesse seemed too caught up in his conversation to notice. Only a few more steps, only one more. And then there he was, slipping his hands around Jesse’s waist as silence fell upon the room.  
The cowboy turned, and almost in a heartbeat his eyes filled with pure joy. Wrapping his arms around him the pair shared a tender embrace, Hanzo ignoring the pain that was beginning to form at the bottom of his legs (or lack thereof). Pulling back, a lopsided grin on his face, Jesse obviously trying to think of words to say. Before any words could leave his lips, he gently tugged him down before kissing him. It was tender, sweet, and quickly the action was returned. As he brought himself back to reality, words finally filled the air.  
“How-“  
“Ask questions later, for now help me please.”  
He hissed, and without a second thought Jesse slung him over his shoulder and walked down the corridor whistling without a second thought – completely ignoring Hanzo’s futile begging to be put down. Glaring at Lena who he noticed was laughing at the entire incident in the corner, he crossed his arms and huffed, a stray hair blowing out the way. Sympathetic glances seemed the best he would get, and he swore he would kill them as soon as he was able to walk further than a meter.  
“Jesse! Put me down!”   
“Nah, more fun this way.”  
He fumed, though an amused smile played on his lips as he continued whining.  
“It is not fun for me! I can feel you groping me!”  
“Ya got a nice ass, ain’t nothin’ more to it.”  
“Stop being so lewd you fool!”  
Turning a corner, he heard a door open and Jesse walk in. Of course, having been dragged the entire way he felt obligated to stay just because of his dedication. But before another word could leave his lips, he felt himself being put down gently on the bed that he could only assume belonged to Jesse.  
“I assume this is about the kiss?”  
“Damn right.”  
“I kissed you because I realised that I am madly in love with you. Is that an adequate explanation for you?”  
“Maybe a demonstration would be better.”  
Without a second thought, their lips connected yet again, gently moving as if the other would break under any wrong touch. Hanzo wrapped his arms around his waist, held him closer than he ever imagined. Feeling the gentle touch of Jesse slipping his arms around his shoulders, he pulled back nervously. His heart was beating faster than ever, and he was hesitant to continue. After all, in his eyes nobody would want the shell of a man.  
“I apologise… I just do not feel ready.”  
“It’s ok darlin’, take as long as you need.”  
The journey wouldn’t be easy, but with a cowboy by his side every step of the way he felt certain he could do it. For even if he didn’t believe in himself, he knew Jesse would believe in him more than enough to compensate.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding his feet, and a certain cowboy yet again, how will life turn around for Hanzo? Will Jesse wait for him, or will it all fall through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advance for such a short chapter, however I hope I can make up for it. Thank you so much for all the overwhelming support in the comments, I have to admit I cried when I read them. As someone who never really gets noticed for my writing, it means the world to me. Make sure to read the end notes though, I think some of you will appreciate it.

The next morning, Jesse noticed sunlight streaming through the window and a weight on his chest. Opening his eyes slowly, it became evident that it was indeed Hanzo, and the evening came rushing back to him. Wrapping an arm around him, he let out a light chuckle. Unable to deny the fact that he was quite proud of himself, he let his eyes slip shut once again, comforted immensely by the presence of the man beside him.

Before he knew it, he felt the man began to move. Rolling over, no words were exchanged between the pair as Hanzo wrapped his arms gently around his shoulders. Slipping his own around the other mans waist, they moved closer. Nose to nose, he yet again let his eyes slip shut.

Hanzo was exhausted, and as he curled up against Jesse he felt sleep begin to tempt him again. It was sweet, he never expected himself to be fortunate enough to get this, to feel firm arms wrap around his body and hold him as if he could break at any second. Nuzzling into the crook of Jesse’s shoulder, his eyes fell shut.

Lena wasn’t one to think Jesse McCree would find himself love on a battlefield, but he always continued to surprise her as she burst into his room to see him in the arms of the man he’d been pining over for the entirety of his time in the military. Awkwardly, she began to shuffle away from the door but not before he began to stir, sending her quite possibly the biggest glare she’d seen in her life.

“Whatcha think yer doin’ Lena?”

He asked, sitting up slowly, ignoring the muffled whine coming from the other man. Raising an eyebrow expectantly, Hanzo deadpanned. There was only one way this would end, Hanzo reckoned Lena probably knew this too. Seeing as he still had most of his clothes on, Jesse was ready to fling her back to England if the situation called for it, which he was pretty sure it would.

“I uh, I came in to remind you, about the… walking thing! Angela asked me to.” She said quickly, averting her eyes from the sight before her. “But I mean you look busy so I’ll just leave you be love.”

Both men looked mortified, Hanzo’s cheeks turning a bright red. Jesse meanwhile, was pulling himself out of bed as Lena took off down the corridor. Following after her, he quickly caught up and grabbed her by the scruff of her jacket. Marching towards the all familiar room, she began to beg him not to.

“Jesse please, don’t do this to me!”

Of course, Jesse’s only motive was to get them to stop their petty fight. It was one of the only times Lena would speak to him for more than a minute, whenever her girlfriend was irritated at her (which surprisingly wasn’t too often) she would suddenly pick up an interest in everything. He was going to have a heart attack if he saw her sat on top of his workbench one more time, he was too old to be a surrogate parent to some kind of woman-child.

Continuing towards room 88, and rapping his knuckles against the door a surprised Amelie opened the door. Pushing Lena towards her, he let out a grunt before marching off. Pausing, he turned around and with a grin let out a single sentence.

“Ta ta now lav.”

He mocked, his southern accent making the attempt even more laughable. With that, he disappeared, retiring right back to his quarters. Hanzo was pulling on his prosthesis, already virtually dressed, only lacking a shirt. Jesse froze in the doorway, eyeing the man up and down in awe of quite how perfect the man was. He could only assume he hadn’t noticed his presence, his eyes roaming dangerously low.

“Jesse, I can see you. Could you please stop staring at me?”

Letting out a rough cough, he grunted in response. Heading over to the makeshift closet that rested in the corner of his room and plucking a tank top from it, he tossed it over his shoulder before hearing a satisfying ‘oof’ from the other man. Turning around however, he had not expected to see him wearing it. It sagged slightly, but framed his toned body perfectly. His tattoo was on full show, and as he blew a stray hair out his face Jesse let a nervous smile fall onto his face.

“Guess yer gonna be leavin’ me then?”

“I was actually about to ask if you would mind coming along. I feel it would probably be adequate motivation.”

“Fine by me.

He responded simply, smiling at the man. Of course, it had slipped his mind to retrieve the wheelchair they had hastily abandoned yesterday, so he let out a sigh and gestured for him to try and stand. He did so, but not before nearly falling to the ground much to Jesse’s horror. Diving to catch him, yet again he found himself holding him close. But alas, with a snicker he hauled the man onto his back.

“Why this?”

“Ride a cowboy, save a horse. Ya get me?”

“Have I reminded you how much I hate you?”

“Ya love me darlin’. Don’t try to deny it.”

Feeling a head rest atop his, he ducked under the doorway. Whistling an old tune, he soon reached the room Hanzo was due to be having his session in. Rapping his knuckles on the door, he heard a faint ‘come in’ and with that strode in confidently, ducking yet again to allow Hanzo to come in. Arms around his neck loosely, he looked down nervously at Angela.

“I assume he’ll be staying?”

“Guess so.”

Blowing a hair out of his face, Jesse lowered him to the ground with a small grunt. Leaning against the wall, he watched as he tentatively stepped up to the bars, hands slipping around them as he steadied himself. Supportive hands held him in place, and it was a bittersweet sight to him. But watching as he pushed himself further and further, he smiled reassuringly at the man. Having gone through something similar with his arm, he could sympathise with how exhausting it was.

As he noticed him heading back, he shot an encouraging smile. Hobbling for the end, soon enough he was there. Flopping into the chair that rested at the end, he let out a hiss of pain. Looking over at Jesse, he let a small smile slip onto his face. Time slipped by, session after session it went on and on until Hanzo found himself walking. Back and forth, a beam on his face as he stood at the end, cocking his head at Jesse.

“We did it.”

“Correction, ya did it. I ain’t did nothin’, you were the one walkin’ back and forth like nobody’s business.”

That evening, they held each other closer. Resting his face in the crook of Jesse’s neck as usual, Hanzo heard his breathing soften and let out a quiet sigh. Shuffling closer, he looked over at the cowboy.

_If love means foolishness, then I am proud to be a fool._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. The reason behind it being so short is because I'm making this longer than two parts due to the love I received from everyone. So hopefully in the next few days an update will be coming out, I've fallen in love with this AU and could write for days about it I swear. Thank you again for all the love everyone has given me, I'm eternally grateful I swear!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Hanzo finds himself seperated from Jesse, will his emotions get the best of him or will he plough through? A whole bunch of drama ensures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello hi I think this update is adequate? Since I'm making the book longer the chapters won't be as long as chapter one from now on, but I hope they deliver the same sorta thing. Thank you again for this much support, I'm extremely humbled and so exuberantly grateful. As promised, there's Reaper76 here (please, trust me when I say that I'm quietly whooping over here in the corner over that) and also a tad of feelsy sads at the end.  
> Make sure to read the end notes though because they're usually like 200% better, and enjoy the chapter!

 After their confession, the pair decided to chance it. Each day was a blessing to them and whilst neither would admit to being as sentimental, they both felt it. Jesse found himself only getting more attached. At this stage, he was certain if Hanzo asked him to jump he would grit his teeth and ask how high.

As they held each other close, both lying together on Jesse’s bed, Hanzo let out a sigh.

“Ya alright darlin’?”

“They are shipping me out again.”

“Why didn’t ya tell me?”

“I was afraid that you would cut it off.”

“Ain’t never gonna do that. Means too much to me.”

Pulling Hanzo closer, he rested his forehead against the other mans. Sweet nothings escaped his mouth, as he gently placed kisses on his face. His cheeks became pink, and a sour expression appeared on his face but deep down he knew he enjoyed it. Scrunching his nose up, Jesse let out a light laugh that held in the air for a few seconds.

“I love ya more than anythin’. It’d take me a lifetime and a half to list all the reasons, yer so damn perfect to me.”

Hanzo was pretty sure his heart stopped beating, every barrier he’d put up in a bid to avoid this smashed down. Pressing himself into Jesse’s chest, he felt him rub circles against the small of his back.

“I love you.”

“Love you too darlin’.”

The bed felt emptier the next morning, and it didn’t take long for Jesse to realise what had happened. Slamming his eyes shut, he began to hope it was just a dream. His Hanzo would be right there next to him, and they’d hold each other close until he needed to leave for his appointment or some of that training. They’d walk there together, Jesse with an arm around his waist. Some would glare, but he would always feel on top of the world.

_“They are glaring at us, I do not know if I can do this.”_

_“Darlin’, they’re just jealous ya have someone that loves ya as much as I do.”_

_“I do not believe you.”_

_“Dya trust me?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Then ya can do it. Aight? I believe in ya.”_

And they’d get there, Angela would just smile when she saw the pair walk in. She mentioned once she had a girlfriend like that, and the three of them had spent a while just talking about the woes of their world. But no matter what, Jesse was there every time he was needed.

Looking out the small windows of the aircraft, Hanzo felt a yearning in his chest he had never felt before. It was leaving him feeling immense regret, for all of this. For stupidly deciding to be noble all that time ago. It seemed like another world, where neither of them were broken in this way, where everything was ok and he wasn’t like this.

“Good luck men, you’re gonna need it.”

Yelled the man before them, and that’s when he knew his time had come. They threw themselves out systematically and before he knew it he was falling, flying. Pulling the cable, he spotted explosions and robots before them. Yells of anguish, screams of agony.

_“If you’re gonna do this, do it well. Don’t y’know… die or anythin’.”_

_“Of course. I shall not just give up and let myself die. There is more to this world than the war I shall be fighting, and I wish to see it.”_

The sun was beginning to set, an array of colours filling his vision. But he couldn’t enjoy it, there was no reason to. He’d gone soft, there was no denying it, but alas he continued to fight this battle. Pulling out the bow he had been blessed with, he began to fire arrows. They flew through the air, gliding and knocking down the enemy before he’d even reached the floor. Tearing the pack off his back, he took off.

Running for cover, running for the one safe haven they had. The trenches were their only release from the war outside their door. Men and women dove in, Hanzo followed, only to see the disorder that he had grown accustomed to yet again. It was familiar, nostalgia washed over him in waves and his breath caught in his throat again.

And with that began the months of battle, explosions surrounding him constantly as wave after wave of men went down. He did however find comfort in the letters he and Jesse exchanged. The lazy scrawls, the stupid jokes and the rambling all became extremely endearing. Hanzo would just smile, trace his fingers over the ink and begin to write back, blissfully unaware of what was happening.

However, as time went on he became close with one of the commanders. Jack, or seventy-six as he was called on the field. His boyfriend was in one of the other trenches, too far for him to be able to go. They seemed to hit it off, each silently understanding the others pain. The sense of companionship it provided seemed adequate, and Hanzo found himself getting pushed further and further up the ranks. And soon enough, he found himself becoming a part of Jack’s elite team. He was hoping that it was on the basis of talent instead of favouritism.

Both had been set to guard one of the entrances to the trenches on yet another evening, and as the pair retrieved their weapons and pulled themselves above ground, the cold air began to bite at their skin. Sitting down on the floor, torches thrown to the side, Jack began to speak.

“You ever wonder what’s gonna happen after the war?”

He asked curiously, and Hanzo pondered for a few seconds before responding tiredly.

“Daily. Why do you ask?”

“Just, I feel there’s more out there. Like, a world where we don’t have to hide from ourselves, a world where we don’t have to communicate by damn letters.”

“I do not doubt that there is more to this world. Unlike you, I was fortunate enough to have grown up with Jesse and I feel that in the end you and Gabriel will feel the fighting was worth it. I only hope that the same can be said for Jesse and I.”

With a frustrated sigh, Jack leant back and looked up to the stars. Hanzo was tempted to follow suit, however was unwilling to risk it.

“He hasn’t sent anything in days, I have no idea where he is.”

“Surely you would have heard if it had been him?”

“There have been more men killed out here than there are stars in the sky. And every morning I worry that it’s gonna have been him. Nobody knows, I don’t know who’s dead or alive any more that’s how screwed up this war is. I want to run. I want to run from this war and take every innocent soldier with me. But… I don’t know if he’s that innocent anymore.”

“What makes you think that?”

“His last letter. He seems to be enjoying the murder, he refers to them as bastards, moving targets. Even as the enemy, they deserve more than that. They have names and stories, just like us. Started joking about how he was the reaper, and he seems so fixated on death. And I wonder, deep down if he’s really the man I fell in love with.”

Silence fell upon the pair yet again; no words could escape Hanzo’s lips. Hearing footsteps from the right, he grabbed his bow and aimed it towards the sound. Hastily standing up, he headed over slowly with Jack close behind.

“Jack-“

“Gabi?”

Stepping back, the two men stared at each other, though he was unsure whether it was in shock or awe. The notorious Gabriel Reyes, the self-declared reaper of this war was here, and Hanzo had no idea how to feel.

“How are you here-“

“Hitched a ride the entire way here, courtesy of a few seniors I’m joining your unit.”

“Oh my gosh.”

Jack murmured, wrapping his arms around the taller man as the pair rocked gently back and forth. It was bittersweet. Hearing quiet sobs from Jack, and the muffled comforting words of Gabriel, he moved away. His heart stung, and as he headed back to his perch, he let out a frustrated sigh. He didn’t want Jesse on the front lines, but at the same time he needed him there. Not just in letters, he needed to hold him and tell him he was never going to leave again.

The shift continued without incident, though Gabriel and Jack were hardly helpful. Holding each other close, it only made his heart burn. He hated to admit quite how jealous he was of the man, but at the same time he’d never seen him so absolutely happy. He was on top of the world, huddled into the side of the man that only mere minutes before he had been convinced was a murderous sonofabitch.

The sight that did it for him was the two young men heading for next watch. They looked far younger than eighteen, and the thought terrified him. Children, throwing themselves into a battle for the sake of the world they were supposed to thrive in. Shooting them a sympathetic look, he began to head back in, bow clutched between his hands. Entering the makeshift dorm he was privileged enough to have, he placed it on the ground.

He could almost feel Jesse’s hands around his waist, tracing the battle scars that had been left, getting dangerously low before he would turn around and jokingly insult him. Feel his breath on his neck, kisses being planted on every revealed inch of the body he had been taught to love by him. And he wouldn’t deny him that, though he’d continue to undress. It would never escalate further, because frankly Hanzo was scared. But as soon as he found himself lying in bed beside him, the world would melt away and the world would feel a little better in his eyes.

A choked sob found itself caught in his throat, and crumpling to the ground in a heap he felt the first wave of tears come on since he had been deployed. Fumbling around for the stash of letters, he pulled them out. Scattering them across the floor, he pulled them out of the envelope.

_“I love you.”_

_“I miss you.”_

_“Stay safe.”_

_“Do your best.”_

_“Come back alive, please come back alive. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”_

“I miss you Jesse.”

He whimpered, though he knew he couldn’t hear him and his undeniable pleas for him to come back. The dragon and the wolf were strong as one, but when separated the rage that came with it was terrifying and unstoppable.

He wasn’t sure how he ended up in his bed the next morning, but the tearstains on the pillow showed it wasn’t just a dream and was in fact more real than anything he had seen in the past few months. But one thought overwhelmed him as he traipsed through his morning routine, heading out to fight yet again to protect.

_Not everything is as it seems._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh, thank you for reading another chapter. I have a few idea's/questions if nobody minds me asking.  
> \- Who would be interested in a "Letters to Jesse" sidebook because I started drafting a few out that I never got around to using, and I feel it could actually turn out kind of interesting.  
> \- And uh, everyone ok with feels? I originally planned for a whole bunch of feels and emotions when it was two parts but everyone loves the fluff and I'm gonna feel really bad if I upset any of you! Either way, if I get a kinda divided answer I'll probably just write two parts so everyone is happy.  
> Thank you again for reading, and the absolutely amazing support you've given. I'm honestly so happy about it, it makes my day to wake up after updating to see such lovely and humbling comments in my inbox!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to turn nasty for both Hanzo and Jesse, but how will they deal with it?  
> (Just a note - there is a lot of explosions. It's Junkrat level stuff here - and I promise you I'm not at all trying to make light of anything. Just felt it would fit in with the prompt.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Children. It is starting to get real. Emo Reyes and Golden Boy are together at last, but is it gonna last? And how is McHanzo gonna survive this, like genuine concern. I mostly winged this chapter, but I'm gonna be starting the side book tomorrow along with like six hundred other AU's so please be sure to check them out.

Almost as soon as Gabriel returned, Hanzo found the entire unit become more tense. People were scared of the man, hell even he was weary. He could go from innocent and doting boyfriend to a murderous being in the space of seconds, it was terrifying to see. Even Jack was becoming scared as it went further and further. And on yet another of their evening shifts, he finally opened up.

“He’s not right in the head anymore. I don’t know what happened to him, who did what to him, but he’s not Gabe anymore.”

“You cower from the man, when only mere weeks ago you were willing to take a bullet for him. It is evident that he is no longer Gabe, so why not just explain why it will not work?”

“He’d kill me. If he doesn’t get his way, he kills whatever stands in his way. Don’t have a doubt that he’d take me down if I didn’t do what he wants. He wasn’t joking, he has killed so many men from both sides that he seems to deserve the name Reaper.”

“And that is why I hope we win this war. So you can have him back, instead of just a deranged killer in his body.”

“It was less painful when he was further away. When I didn’t have to see him. He shot a kid, right in front of me. Said he hated them and put a bullet through her head. I haven’t cried out here, or at least I hadn’t till I saw him do that.”

The words hung in the air, and for a second Hanzo could’ve sworn the world stopped right then and there. The war evidently was going further than he thought, and he was relatively concerned for Jack. He wouldn’t deny the fact that he’d love to kill Gabriel, if not for the fact that he was completely destroying Jack, for the fact he was jeopardizing so much. They simply couldn’t afford to lose the battle, lose the war that had been going on for years upon years now.

“I can’t stop loving him, no matter how much I want to. He still does things, things I miss so much. He tells me its going to be ok, but I can’t believe him.”

Jack whispered, and Hanzo placed a hand reassuringly on his shoulder.

“If we manage to blow up these last few bases, they will end this. They will not be able to continue if we succeed. Is there a way we can bring the strikes forward?”

“Only if we avoid securing the second point. We could force them to surrender by next week if we do that.”

“Then we do that. We finish this once and for all and prevent any more deaths, whilst also freeing you from him. You can disappear easily, he cannot stop you from doing that.”

Silence filled the air, and he let out a long sigh. He could only hope that he was right, and that nothing else was going to happen. Quietly, Jack retired to his quarters, Hanzo following quietly behind. The next morning was bound to be interesting, especially with the new plans.

The battlefield was oddly quiet the next morning. Hanzo hadn’t heard a single explosion, only the odd yell of pain. Jack hadn’t been around all morning, and the tension could easily be cut with a knife. That was of course, until he was summoned under the orders ‘distract as many on the ground as you can, and don’t get killed’. It seemed simple, but as soon as he headed out he heard the bullets fly past him, narrowly missing his head.

Arrows soared through the air soon after, men falling left and right as he stealthily moved past their defences. His legs never faltered, the agility they helped enhance causing him to climb walls as if he were superhuman. The bodies littered the floor. Some would call him a killer, but if they fired first it was warranted. Jumping softly to the ground, he spotted another group of men. They noticed him, and of course turned to him before beginning to pursue him. Firing a scatter arrow into the hearts of one of them, he crumpled to the ground. Looking down, he spotted a part of his leg had been blown apart. Gritting his teeth, he wrapped his hands around it and began to crawl away.

Around a corner, he began to work on putting it back on. The metal that was stabbing into his flesh was painful, but it would take more than that to stop him from completing his mission. Continuing onwards, albeit far less gracefully his arrows landed. Heavy footsteps echoed behind him, and though nobody appeared to be behind him he let a single thought pass through his head.

_It takes more than that to fool a dragon._

Darting through the shadows, hand poised over the sheath that he had since strung lazily over his back he followed the sound quiet as could be. Hearing another movement, he loaded his bow and fired it in one swift movement.  The arrow swung through the air and he heard a yell of pain, one he could only recall from his early days in the base. They had a traitor, and it sent a shiver down his spine to imagine who it could be though deep down he wasn’t surprised.

“Show yourself!”

He yelled, his voice unfaltering as he lowered his bow slightly. More footsteps, more whispers, more… gun. Feeling a gun press against his head, he froze in place and his grip loosened on his bow. It rested gently on his fingertips as he felt an arm against his throat. He began to gasp for breath, he couldn’t bring himself to move an inch to free himself. But as the man’s other hand began to move gently across to his arm, right across the dragons that stirred beneath his skin.

Only someone that knew about how sensitive he was to being touched there would know what to do, and he sure as hell hadn’t paraded it around. Only a few people knew, only one of them was on the field. And that’s when he felt a lump form in his throat. But it couldn’t be him, could it?

Bow clutched tight between both hands, he shoved the other man to the ground with it. Fury filled his eyes, he kicked the guns and pulled back the bowstring yet again. He could only see the silhouette of the man.

“Kill me… we all die.”

Came a distorted, quiet voice. It seemed sadistic, he could hear the pleasure he was getting from it. He couldn’t recognise the voice; it was just too distorted for him to tell. It was as though he wasn’t afraid, scared of what he had to lose. Maybe he had nothing, maybe it was an empty threat. As the arrow left his bow, he dove back behind cover. Hearing a series of faint explosions from further away, he kept running until he collapsed to the ground. But the attempt proved to be futile.

Red.

Red.

Black.

_Jack?_

 

The familiar sound of a drill came out of the workshop, Jesse hard at work yet again. The numb that came with Hanzo’s departure wasn’t unwelcome, however he just had to wait. Waiting was painful, but every evening spent alone brought him closer to him in his eyes. His nights were sleepless, just as they always had been. He found pleasure in helping people to walk again, in fact mere days ago he had helped to craft a substitute arm for a young girl. Even going as far as to give it pink accents, he couldn’t quite get over the smile on the girls face as Angela presented it to her. She’d lost everything beside a ragged bear that she’d not let go since the day she arrived. He understood, making sure to pull aside Athena to make sure it wasn’t going to be confiscated. Reluctantly she’d agreed, and he left with a smug grin.

Heading out to get himself some food from the mess hall, he spotted a grainy video playing on one of the old televisions hooked onto the wall sloppily. It showed explosion after explosion going off, they believed the omnics were trying to wipe out the units one by one. The largest one, unit 24, was the one they had decided to target. Hundreds of victims, hundreds wounded, bodies lined the ground. With only a muffled sigh, he continued on.

Grabbing whatever happened to be in front of him, he found himself sat at a table with a few of the younger soldiers. They were all extremely spunky in comparison to the majority of the others, it gave him a new lease of life almost.

Lucio was the first to speak, his voice enthusiastic even with the topic at hand.

“Yo Eastwood, you hear about those bombs go off in those trenches and stuff?”

“Didn’t know they went off in the trenches, where did ya hear that?”

“It’s everywhere Jesse, why haven’t you heard about it?”

Joked Hana, earning a poke in the side from Lucio. It was sweet, a fond smile rested on his face. Maybe this was what parenthood was like, if your kid didn’t sneak off and join a gang at twelve of course. He still beat himself up about it, but it was far less tender than it used to be. Watching as Lena and Amelie rested against each other, he felt a small pang of hurt run through his chest. He just wanted to be able to hold Hanzo like that again.

“Didn’t ya boyfriend used to be in that unit Jess?”

Lena asked, concern in her voice. Zoning out for a few seconds, he tried to remember. At this stage, he’d virtually memorised all the letters he’d ever received from him, so it didn’t take long to confirm it. His chest tightened, and with a small nod, it was left at that.

Excusing himself as soon as he could, he wound up in the workshop before anyone could stop him. Pulling out the old radio in the corner, he hesitantly turned it on and began to fumble with the dials as any old man would. Soon enough, static turned to voices, and in turn voices turned to nightmares.

_“So far, how many are estimated to be dead?”_

_“Around five-hundred. The injured are anywhere from two-hundred onwards. That’s just from unit twenty-four. It ended up hitting unit seven, and unit twenty-one too.”_

_“Were they hit as badly, or are they expected to recover fully?”_

_“Hopefully so. However, they are retaliating. I can confirm that there are explosions coming from all five of the bases that the omnic’s are residing in.”_

That was enough for Jesse, and he began to tune out the words that had once filled his ears. Humming a quiet tune under his breath, he soon enough got back to work. It was the best he could do, the best he could offer in the war he was certain would destroy him.

The words echoed in his head for the rest of the night, and when sleep finally overwhelmed him, it was hardly steady, filled only with nightmares of a world without Hanzo Shimada.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the end, terrifying right? I promise, everythings gonna get more interesting next chapter, but for now not much feelsy stuff. Please take note of my fabulous reference to one of my books though, it was a complete accident but I love it anyway.  
> Thank you for the comments on literally every chapter! It's slowly killing me, it's one of the only reasons I've updated this as frequently as I have (seriously, three daily updates in a row hasn't happened in the years I've been writing for). Hope you continue to enjoy the next chapter as much as the others, and thank you again for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> too much failed drama, i tri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! First Harry Potter happened (I'm trash, sorry children), then I was ill and it's just ugh. Theoretically I should have double updates sometime soon, I'm pushing to the finishing line for you all! Thank you again for all the comments uvu it made today a whole bunch more bearable.

_Jack. It was him._

That was the only thought running through Hanzo’s mind. Frankly he had no idea if he were dead or alive, it seemed he were stuck between heaven and hell or something. He began to scream, but it was no use, he couldn’t move. Never had he felt this vulnerable, even without his legs he felt he had a chance, yet here he was.

A finger flicked first, and he felt power surge through his body. He had continued trying for hours upon hours desperately, because he needed to. There was no telling how long he was going to be here, and he had no intentions to let the other man get away with this. Even if it killed him (that was if he wasn’t already dead, he wasn’t entirely sure), he wasn’t going to allow him to continue.

_After all we did for each other, you try to murder me. How pathetic._

Jesse meanwhile was still asleep, though it was dreamless and painful it was arguably better than passing out with his arm nearly getting sliced off by one of his tools. Cheers brought him out of his slumber, and after yanking on some clothes to make himself look slight less dishevelled he found himself walking towards the briefing room. Everyone was gathered in there, the small and aged television playing mediocre footage of soldiers waving a flag. At closer inspection, he realised it was theirs. Audio played in the background, the omnics surrendering graciously as his heart skipped beats.

The war that had ravaged their country, the lives they had once lived about to return. Spotting Lena and a few others he had since befriended he slipped in next to them.

“We’re free- Jesse. We’re going home.”

She whispered, holding his hand tight with a smile on her face that he had never seen before. Lucio and Hana were doing a similar job, holding each other close in celebration. He had never seen such unity, such absolute joy before. Even Winston and Ana were smiling, joining in.

It was never going to be an easy thing, but their years of persistence had paid off. Soldiers would be coming home soon, his heart was skipping beats as he felt a giddy smile plaster itself on his face. The celebrations continued late into the night, drinks being handed out as people found love, found peace, found hope after they’d all but given up. He all but forgot the fact Hanzo may not be coming home, deciding instead to take the optimistic route and believe he would be.

As the morning sun began to shine through the windows, it began to die down. Heading back to the room he knew so well, he virtually sauntered to the bed, his eyes only remaining open for a few seconds before darkness overtook him. His dreams were filled with nothing but memories and thoughts of the future. Because Hanzo would be back, his arms around him, holding each other like they always had.

The aircrafts began to come in the next day, men and women being reunited with families and friends, lovers and leaders alike. It was bittersweet for those that never saw the familiar faces, and Jesse took it upon himself to comfort them. Soon enough they would all be leaving, it would be a foreign feeling. After almost three years here, it would take a while to grow accustomed to the normality they used to have.

One of those that returned alone was Morrison, no expression on his face as he stepped through the doorway and began to make a beeline for the doorway. He looked far older than before, his hair greying and his eyes dimmed. He didn’t notice anyone at first, but a woman began to fight through the crowd to him. Only able to watch, she grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. Spanish escaped her lips, but as Jesse had grown close to Gabriel he could vaguely translate some of it.

_“Where is Gabi?”_

_“Dead. Sided with the omnics. Not coming back.”_

Jack murmured almost monotonously, ignoring the tears that were forming in the woman’s eyes.

_“Why did you let him die!”_

She screamed, clutching his arm. Jack pushed her off roughly, his face not once changing. Pulling his arm back, a low growl escaped his lips.

_“He killed people, our own soldiers. Suicide. It was never my fault. It is however something I regret deeply.”_

Marching off, the exchange ended. The chatter that had once filled the room returned, most just happy that the majority had returned alive. Whilst more people began to arrive home, Jesse was getting demands for more, more, more. His time was coming, and taking it upon himself to prove he was worthy he worked tirelessly. Engineers like Torbjorn joined in as soon as they arrived home, the workshop busy throughout the night as they worked on everything they could. From broken machines, to running back and forth passing things to others, in the end it left them drained.

The next day, Hanzo was due to arrive home. It wasn’t like Jesse had memorised who was coming back on what plane at all, he just so happened to have spotted it whilst sneaking into the briefing room at three in the morning. There was an odd red line next to it, but he disregarded it. Winston had been so overworked; he’d probably just slipped.

Sitting there the next morning was painful, he was tapping incessantly irritating everyone else to no end. But he couldn’t help it, he was giddy with excitement. Of course, he was ready to step in to comfort those that had lost someone, he wasn’t going to just give up his responsibilities like that. His morals were going to make sure of it. And then he heard it, the first yells of excitement. People began to swarm over to where soldiers were coming from, hugs and reunions happening before his eyes.

The last few came out, and Jesse let out a sigh. He was just overthinking it. Heading over to the corner where families mourned in the quiet, Jesse began to reassure them as gently as he could. It was one of the reasons he was here, making a difference. He just couldn’t rip his eyes from the door, scared he was going to miss it, but as quiet words hung in the air he tore his attention away.

“You look just like him.”

One woman whispered under her breath, tears streaming down her cheeks. Grief did a lot to a person, made evident by what was unfolding before his eyes. The woman desperately clung to his body armour, and with a sigh he placed a reassuring hand on her back. Rubbing small circles just like he’d done with Hanzo, it set in. The red mark was never an accident, he wasn’t coming home.

Forcing back the tears that he knew would overwhelm him later, he pulled back. Wiping tears gently from the young woman’s cheeks, she let out more sniffs before bursting into more tears. And as he enveloped her in a firm hug, she began to quieten down. Letting go after her breathing steadied, she let out a weak smile.

“Thank you.”

“It’s not a problem darlin’.”

He said, a forced smile on his face.

As he arrived back to his quarters he spotted a box placed on his bed. He knew what would be in it just from the sheer size of it, and pulling the top off it his suspicions were confirmed. An elaborate bow, the prosthesis he’d slaved over, the ribbon. He couldn’t touch them, it felt so wrong, it felt terrible. Placing them lid back on top, the tears never came. Just the waves of nostalgia were enough to make the numbness grow in his chest.

The happy reunions, the families being brought together yet again only sickened him. The envy continued to grow in his chest, he became bitter over it all because his Hanzo, he was never coming back. He hardly slept from then on, what was the point of sleep when he was hardly ever blessed with dreams. He could only assume that was how he ended up barging into Jack’s office a week later, albeit nearly giving the man a heart attack. A lapse of judgement in his eyes, but that was beside the point.

“Right. What dya know about Hanzo Shimada’s death.”

“It is information I cannot disclose at this-“

“Answer me dammit! Ya lost Gabriel, I’ve lost Hanzo. Why not just give me some closure! We ain’t even got bodies, we got nothin’ but empty fuckin’ words!”

“Because.” Jack said firmly, pulling himself up from his seat and slammed his hands on the desk before him. “It may not be the answer you want to hear.”

“I don’t care what I wanna hear! Just please, tell me Jack.”

Jack seemed to almost shrink away as Jesse yelled, and as fear filled his eyes he let out a sigh.

“Gabriel turned on us, joined the omnics.” Jack began, a bitter laugh leaving his lips as tears of disbelief filled his eyes. “He left his unit – the smallest one around. Joined ours, the largest one he could find. He only wanted to maximise the death toll. In a suicide mission, and of course in the hopes of becoming almost an embodiment of death himself he began to kill. He snapped. Was brainwashed. Hundreds died, Hanzo was one of them. But we couldn’t even find a body. There’s no body, there’s never a body for the heroes.”

Silence hung in the air for a few seconds, Jack taking a few seconds to console himself before continuing.

“I spoke to Hanzo, merely hours before this. Night watch, he listened as I said how much I wanted to be free. I was worried Gabriel would snap, go insane, kill us all. Turns out, he was going to do it anyway. God, Hanzo saved us. And he loved you more than you can imagine. Saw him passed out clutching a letter in his hand, saw him crying when he thought I couldn’t see. Guess I was too blinded by love to see where it was going, so I understand if you kill me here and now. Plenty have tried, I’m too tired to put up a fight anymore. I let him die, and I can’t imagine how much it hurts. But I am trying, co-ordinating searches in the hopes that I can find the survivors. I’m confident there are more out there, I aim to get them all back home.”

Jesse found himself at a loss for words, his mouth agape. Forcing out the first words that came to mind, he stood in disbelief.

“Your boyfriend- “

“Was a murderer? A traitor?” Jack responded with a tired sigh. “I’ve heard it all before Jesse, they’re getting rid of me as soon as everyone is back. They blame me. You blame me, even though you won’t admit it.”

“Did you know about this?”

“I was kept in the dark until it was too late.”

“Then it was never your fault. Don’t think I have the heart to blame ya for it.”

Silence fell upon them yet again, but as Jesse was about to leave, he heard words come once again.

“Thank you Jesse.”

“’s no problem. And Jack?”

“Yes?”

“They might boot ya out, ya might not be able to go back but hell, sure even I could find a place for ya to stay. If that’s whatcha want.”

“It probably would help. I’ll consider it.”

He murmured and with that, Jesse found himself returning to his quarters, sleep threatening to come as fast as the tears. Throwing open the door, slamming it behind him, he almost instantly collapsed to the ground. Hot tears burned at his cheeks, and his head rested between his legs. It sure did bite to learn your old friend murdered your boyfriend, and now you were having to pick up the pieces.

He never took Gabe for the murderous type, hell he didn’t really take Gabe for a soldier. But going so far as to try to become death because of the omnics and their manipulation was extreme, it terrified him to no end. Breath caught in his throat, becoming ragged as he gasped for air. Searing pain began to stab at his chest, his brain went into overload.

_Jokingly, Jesse had suggested that the pair of them dance in the hopes of getting Hanzo used to his legs. The pair had been in the workshop together, Jesse finishing up a project while Hanzo sat watching, insomnia getting the best of him that night. It wasn’t unusual, and in fact they both appreciated the company. What he hadn’t expected was Hanzo to nod and get up, offering him a hand nervously. Grabbing it gently, Jesse pulled himself up from the stool that had become almost a temporary residence._

_The slow music that came from the radio in the corner was a familiar song, and as the tune filled his ears. Hanzo wrapped an arm around his waist, Jesse with an arm on his shoulder. Intertwining their fingers, they found themselves swaying back and forth. Moving closer, foreheads resting against the others, it was comforting. The rocking soon stopped, the pair stood in a comfortable silence. Hanzo’s eyes soon fell shut, and Jesse felt a smile slip onto his face._

_“Ya tired darlin’?”_

_The words came out quietly, as if he were scared to do anything other than whisper._

_“Slightly.”_

_He responded tiredly, and a small smile formed on Jesse’s face. A gentle peck on his lips signified that the night was over, and Jesse returned to his work in silence._

_“Night Shimada.”_

_“Goodnight Jesse.”_

His hands were laced in his hair, frustration evident by the way he pulled at it in anger. Why Hanzo. Why him. It was driving him insane, and he could hardly bring himself to move. Why was Gabe so selfish as to murder him, to kill him, to rip apart the fragile balance in his world. And god, if he ever saw the man again he was certain he would rip him to shreds, he would obliterate him, he would murder him just like Hanzo.

Gabriel Reyes. Gabriel Reyes. Gabriel fucking Reyes had destroyed his life and in turn ended so many others, and no matter how much the guy wanted to be death all he was was selfish. Destructive. Deluded. Behind a veil of lies and a cloak of manipulation there lay a man he once knew, a man who might even regret this. Even his own lover was nearly destroyed, bandages covering so much of his body he could hardly tell he was human. Even his face, scars cut across it and one eye unmoving, was completely destroyed.

They were always right; love was always a weakness. Even as he presented a eulogy for everyone lost, he felt his heart skip a beat as he choked out Hanzo’s name. They weren’t even blessed with individual funerals; this one was just for the media. So they could redeem themselves and make the bloodshed look honourable. Really, in Jesse’s eyes at least, it was cowardice. But the media would never know it was Gabriel, and as he spat out his name with more anger than he knew he was capable of, it all set in once again.

Rain seemed to come at just the right time, the sky gloomy as flowers were placed on the ground. Jesse had no flowers, and whilst most may say it was disrespect, he knew Hanzo hated flowers. Even though he was dead, he personally saw it as redundant. Let the man you love die, put the things he hates on his grave. But alas, they continued to pile up long after he left the grounds.

That evening, as Jesse lay in bed holding a pillow yet again, the tears broke loose yet again. The memories always seemed worse in the night, when there was not a sound to distract him from his dwelling. Even laying there in the bed they’d once shared was slowly destroying his sanity, and yet there he was, unable to move.

_Jesse woke up to see Hanzo tossing and turning, his breathing ragged as if he were fighting in his sleep. Pulling himself up tiredly, he gently lay a hand on his side. Quietly cooing and saying his name, the other man stirred quickly._

_“Ya looked like yer were havin’ a nightmare.”_

_He said innocently, a lopsided yet sympathetic smile on his face. With a sigh, the other man only nodded in confirmation. Laying back down, he found himself speaking again._

_“Need to talk ‘bout it?”_

_“Not at all. I just…”_

_“Just?”_

_“Need you. That is all I need.”_

_The next morning, they woke up, bodies intertwined in the most innocent of ways. Hanzo tucked into Jesse’s side, arms around each other as if they might disappear into the dark of night._

The grief pierced his heart time and time again, however the tears began to lull him into a slumber he hoped never ended. He was hardly blessed when the dreams came, yet again reminding him. The war may have been won, but it was just as painful as a loss would have been to him. As morning came though, he found himself lying awake. The temptation to move, to go, to continue pushing through had all but disappeared and as faint knocks echoed at his door, he gave in.

A week later, and the door swung open with a loud slam.

“Jesse James McCree!”

Angela almost screamed at him, and between nearly having a heart attack (he really was getting too old for this) and trying to make himself decent again, he found himself nodding violently.

“You cannot just disappear for an entire _week_ without telling anyone! What were you even doing you absolute-“

“What happened ta formalities Ziegler? Thought ya were big on the whole privacy thing.”

He interrupted, his voice quiet and hoarse. It didn’t surprise him in the slightest, he hadn’t dared to utter a word whilst he was hidden away from the world. Her face seemed to soften, and she bowed her head.

“I apologise; however, you should’ve at least warned us. Everyone was worried…”

“I just need some time, ‘s not easy. I’m still hurtin’.”

“That is what I came about…”

“What happened now? ‘nother murder? More buildin’ shit?” He said, his voice laced with anger as he got louder. “Or did ya finally find a body, am I finally gonna be able to tell his brother that we found a fuckin’ body? Haven’t told him yet, tried to keep it quiet that he died because he was the last the guy had. Avoidin’ the topic, because avoidance is the only way to sort this shit.”

“Jesse?”

“Hm?”

“Shut up.” She snapped, glaring at him before continuing. “There is a rescue mission, we are at such a shortage of men that we need you. You have experience with a gun, you are also close with a few of the men correct?”

“Indeed.”

“In which case, pack your bags. You will be leaving with Jack within the next 48 hours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't really know if it all made sense, I haven't been able to proof read well since I've been awake since 4 this morning and drama and stuff, but hopefully you get the gist! Next chapter more drama should be happening and oh boy golly I'm looking forward to writing that.  
> And to the reader who comments on every chapter, thank you! I really appreciate every ounce of support you give me :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i honestly have no idea where this is going at this stage i just felt the need to start working towards more fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok yeah just to clear things up in advance they arent canon ages, the pair of them are 26 or something, which i guess allows time for things? im running on three hours sleep whilst kicking the router so please bear with me.

A familiar serape rested around Jesse’s neck, and he let out a quiet laugh. He hadn’t worn it since back in Deadlock, even then he hardly wore it. It seemed fitting though, especially in case they came across any survivors. Tracing his fingers gently up and down the body of the peacekeeper, he slipped it into his holster.

The nostalgia left him conflicted, and as he looked down to the metal arm, he tugged the corner of his serape around it. Heading out the door, he ignored the looks from Lena and Amelie, both of whom evidently hadn’t seen him in over a week. Continuing onwards, he spotted Jack stood by the exit, leading onto the roof. It had been a while since the pair had fought together, hell Jesse had never even fought outside the ranges so he was almost certain he would die. But he considered it worth it should it happen.

It felt lonely, he was half expecting a reassuring squeeze or something as he stood there, waiting patiently for them to leave. The pain was still there, and he wouldn’t deny the fact he was blinking back tears, but he persevered. In the end, he’d already moped around for a week, and if he didn’t get out now he was probably going to stay there forever. Not that he could complain, it would be fine in his books, but he highly doubted that they’d appreciate him dying after they’d fought a whole war already. Then again, how bad could flying really be?

Twenty minutes later, and he would willingly take all that back, along with saying flying in a military helicopter at god knows what speed was absolutely terrifying. They were about to land, and he was certain he would have a heart attack. Jack sat there with a small amused grin on his face, and whilst he was glad he was enjoying his pain, he really wasn’t sure it was worth it. Of course, they weren’t the only ones, however they were allowed to fly along so they could minimise the death toll should they be targeting Jack next in revenge.

As they touched down, Jesse let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding, and almost threw himself onto the ground. Sure, now he was going to have to fight any remaining omnics, but it was better than the impending doom he could’ve faced just mere minutes before.

Line after line of men stood before them, and the sight was incredible yet terrifying to see. So many had turned out, the rescue operation was bigger than anyone ever anticipated. It was all on Jack, and as he nodded, they all split off in a frenzy. But as he traipsed after the commander, he soon noticed they were heading right to the heart of the explosions, right to where Gabe had decided murder was perfect. Many followed after them, beginning to retrieve the bodies, and it dawned on Jesse that this was why Jack wanted him to go. To get the body that they both theorised they would never get to see. As he got closer, he realised they all seemed to be getting paler and paler. Ashen skin, they looked as though they’d had the life sucked out of them.

The omnics however, seemed to have different plans. A bullet soared past Jesse’s head before he could quite register what was going on, and fumbling for his peacekeeper he yanked it out. Fanning bullets like second nature, he dove to the side as another appeared. Other men joined in, firing as the opposition fell to the ground with yells of anguish. That’s when he spotted it, a shadow floating around the men.

Ducking below it, he could’ve sworn he saw a face, felt things he was certain he had never felt before. Memories flooded his head, conversations with omnics, Jack kissing him, the letters, it only continued. This was certainly not a human, but if it wasn’t human what was it?

“Jack?”

He murmured under his breath, turning to the man.

“It’s not human.”

“I think it’s Gabe.”

“But Gabe killed himself!”

“He ain’t dead yet. No idea what he did, but we ain’t gonna make it out if we don’t sort this.”

“Prove he isn’t dead then! Do not mess with me Jesse, you are treading on thin ice.”

Jack hissed, continuing to fire at the omnics heading there way. They were persistent, but it only continued to fuel the anger at the pit of his stomach. He wanted to be sure all of them died, he couldn’t bear to just let them live after they’d taken him.

“The letters. Eighteenth o’ this month, you said ya loved him an’ that if we were to win the war ya were gonna make him yours.”

“How the hell-“

“Flew through me. Learnt a few things. Word ta’ the wise, don’t fuck someone over the desk again. Disgustin’ if ya ask me.”

“Now is really not the time!”

Jack hissed, throwing himself out the way of a stray grenade. The final few fell to the ground, and the group continued onwards, spotting rubble on the ground. Two bodies before them, hand in hand. A horrifically bitter sight, yet a depressing reminder of how even in the heat of the battle people could be brought together.

But as they were taken away, the air got thicker. Dust, rubble, destruction before them. And finally, the end. No words could describe the absolute destruction before them, this was obviously where it all began. Jack seemed to realise it too, as he spotted someone moving in the rubble. Moving forwards, they pulled it back as if there were no tomorrow to reveal a face that had haunted Jesse’s dreams ever since their victory. Something inside him snapped, and in mere seconds Gabriel was out the rubble and on the ground, a gun pointed in his face and a foot on his throat.

“We meet again _mi vaquero_. But it won’t be that easy to kill me.” _(mi vaquero meaning my cowboy)_

He hissed, a smirk on his face. Feeling his foot fall through his body, the man materialised a few seconds later right behind him. A hand grasped at his throat, and a choked sob escaped his throat. Spinning around, trying desperately to get his gun out, he straddled the other man. Gun at his throat, Gabe only kept the sadistic smile on his face.

“Kill me, see if that brings him back.”

“I can’t believe I ever loved you.”

Jack’s voice rang out, and Gabriel looked over at him in terror. Stepping forwards, Jack’s armoured foot rested right beside the other man’s head. No remorse was present in his eyes, only anger and hatred.

“Jack-“

“There’s nothing more to it. You killed so many, you’re trying to kill more. And to think, I was planning to marry you when the war ended.”

“Jack they mislead me!”

“Yet you’re still willing to murder more of them. Explain that to me then.”

“I can’t, there’s no explanation.”

“Do you see what you did! You blinded me, hell you’ve ruined me! If the deaths mean nothing, remember what you did to me. The man you supposedly loved. Or was that a lie too?”

“They lied, said they’d help me. Told me to join you, kill as many as I could and they’d spare me. I thought you were out of there, I didn’t know-“

Pressing the butt of the gun closer, Jesse only allowed a glare onto his face. He almost seemed to shy away, terrified of what fate could await him. It felt wrong, being the one besting the man who once trained him, but then again he couldn’t quite blame himself

“I don’t know what kind of fool you take me for Gabriel Reyes, but I know that’s a damn lie.”

“They said they wouldn’t kill you if I did it!” He yelled, trying desperately to throw Jesse off him. “They convinced me that being a dead man would be better than losing you. Twisted me, fucked up my head, I don’t want to die again Jack. Please don’t do this to me, do anything you like but please, I’m begging you.”

Black smoke left the other man’s lips, and before Jesse could stop him, Jack had slammed his foot through his head. A grimace fell onto Gabe’s face even though Jack’s foot seemed to slip right throug. The area his foot slipped through seemed to fade into smoke briefly before solidifying, and Jack clenched his fists at his side in frustration.

“What have you become Gabe…”

“I have no idea Jack.”

He whimpered, and Jesse couldn’t be sure if they were real tears or not.

“Take him away. Gabe, don’t fight it. If you don’t want to die, this is your one chance.”

Jesse pulled himself up silently, holstering his gun with a sigh. Had he not spotted the arrow in the tree, he would’ve marched off in frustration. Letting out a sigh, he knew exactly who it belonged to. Strolling forwards and pulling it from the bark, he began to examine the area. That’s when he spotted it, a tattooed arm stuck out from the rubble, trying to pull it away. Discarding the arrow, he almost ran over, tossing bricks to the side until he saw his face.

Beaten, bruised, scabbed over in some places, the face was almost unrecognisable. But he couldn’t deny the fact he would know those eyes anywhere as he hauled the smaller man out. It came as second nature, trecking back through the wreckage in a bid to catch up with the last few soldiers. To catch up with Jack. Spotting the familiar jacket, he pushed onwards before hearing Hanzo begin to murmur in Japanese.

“ _Tasukete, tasukete kudasai!” (Help me, help me please!)_ He begged quietly, digging his fingers into Jesse’s chest in agony.

He almost broke into a sprint when Jack’s face fell in realization. Hanzo wasn’t meant to be alive, they’d said he was dead. But somehow, he was still breathing, and nobody knew how to feel about the situation. As he felt him fall still on his back, he sped up.

“How the fuck is he still alive!?”

Jack almost yelled, though neither of them were sure whether it was out of anger or confusion.

“Ain’t got a clue.”

He hissed, knees threatening to buckle under the stress. The makeshift camp came into sight, but it seemed he wouldn’t be staying the night as he was instructed to put Hanzo down. Slipping him down onto one of the stretchers, he watched as they almost threw him into one of the helicopters due to leave in mere minutes. It hadn’t fully set in, he was still in some kind of shock, the image of him lying under the rubble etched into his mind.

But then it hit him, all at once it came flooding back. The box, the funerals, the statements, the sympathetic looks. A hand rested on his shoulder and he let out a sigh of frustration. Shaky breaths left his chest, and he had no idea whether he should be throwing punches or breaking down sobbing. His hands were bloodstained, he knew that without looking, it was becoming surreal.

The world was beginning to fade from before his eyes, and all he could hear were the faint cries coming from familiar faces. Fading from his hearing, and then it happened. Flitting in and out of consciousness, tears streaming down his face at one moment and black filling his vision in another. That was all he could recall before bolting upwards once again in a familiar area. Surrounded by the dead, the alive, and those in between.

They weren’t lying when they said war fucked you up, but it went further than that. It destroyed you and everything you stood for, leaving only destruction in its path.

As soon as they landed, he found himself rushing off. Barging past everyone, unwilling to stay for a second longer. The metallic scent of blood that had once overwhelmed his senses gone, though it still stained his hands. He couldn’t bring himself to wash it off, too set on escaping the masses of men and women surrounding him before he broke down once again. Nearly sprinting down the corridor, he disappeared right into his quarters. It didn’t surprise him; this is why he had never gone to the front lines. He knew he was weak, he knew this would happen but sat in denial the entire time. Because nothing hit harder than seeing him hurt, in the years they’d known each other he didn’t think anything would sting that much.

Whilst he loved to play the strong cowboy, he was certain that even at twenty-six years old he still had the mentality of a teen girl. Having grown up so close to Hanzo, it left him so vulnerable, and in turn made it harder for him to be taken seriously. If he survived, he had no idea what would come of it, whether he would even remember. He was wide awake, but all he wanted was sleep. Dreamless sleep where he didn’t get haunted by the nightmares, that was all he wanted. Arms wrapped around him, the stupid kisses trailing up his neck leaving the pair of them laughing quietly in the dark of night. He wasn’t sure how long he’d sat there, watching as the sun finally set and the moon came out. Even counting the stars in the sky like he had back home did nothing to pass the time, and as morning came once again he finally gave in. Hat falling to the floor, his body didn’t take long to follow.

The next morning was different though, everything seemed off. Waking up on the floor was probably a contributing factor, but even after grabbing his hat roughly and tossing it across the room in a fit of anger he couldn’t ground himself. The serape came next, lying crumpled on the floor. Hauling himself off the floor, he almost threw open the door to his bathroom. He had no idea why he’d been privileged to have it, but as he rubbed his hands raw in a bid to get the blood and dirt off a low growl escaped his lips.

He felt hands around his waist, gently holding him. Looking down though, they weren’t there. Behind him, there was nobody. All that remained were the memories, and if it wasn’t driving him mad he wasn’t sure what it was doing. Yet his heart was yearning, begging to see him for a sense of finality beyond the blood on his hands, the same hands that had allowed him to walk yet again.

That was probably how he ended up slumped over in a chair by his bedside, fingers intertwined, clinging to each other. Hanzo was asleep, a peaceful expression on his face he couldn’t deny he loved. He was beaten, bruised almost beyond recognition, but it was still him.

“I love ya… just please, wake up.”

He murmured, the words barely audible even to himself. But he knew, and that’s all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bleh hope everyone enjoyed this, especially the people who were saying things in the discord chat because honestly im pre sure youre the only reason i managed to update today. hopefully it should be ending in the next few chapters though so bear with me on that, next chapter should be up sooner i hope.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter 7 aka jesse is a mess and jack needs hugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the like hella late update, i was on holiday and then my birthday and just life honestly. this was mostly written on the car journey and i havent really had a chance to update it, it was honestly more of a filler than anything else so i gave yall something to go off. thanks again for all the kudos and support!

Between the stacks of paperwork Jesse was handed throughout the day, to the seemingly endless lists of things he needed to fix and create, there seemed to be no rest for the engineer. Though he did take the time to wander down to the mess hall at noon to get himself a proper meal for the first time in weeks. It seemed strange that soon enough he would be out of this place, the others in tow.

Maybe finally he’d get to tell Genji the stories of his time there, whilst the man had gone into hiding he knew he would still thrive off the stories. There were only a few years between the pair, yet Genji still kept some of his teenage enthusiasm with him through the few letters they had exchanged. It never quite dawned on him how much the war had changed them, then again the war had changed everyone in one way or another.

Tossing his waste into one of the overflowing bins in the corner of the room, he marched away, lighting a cigar though he was certain either Athena or Angela would lecture him on it soon enough. They cared so much it was endearing and he felt bad that they’d gotten caught up in the war, most of the nurses and doctors around were just as kind and undeserving of the fate they’d been forced to have.

Fiddling with the keys that were firmly hooked onto his belt, he almost flung open the doors to the workshop he’d grown familiar with in the past few years. Whilst it had indeed been slowly getting emptier as more and more of the group left, it still felt just as cosy as the day he’d stepped foot into it in those darn ridiculous cowboy boots. A small snicker escaped his lips as the nostalgia washed over him. The white papers messily thrown across his desk however, stole his attention instantly.

Gathering them up into a (somewhat) tidy pile, he neatly slipped a clip over them and pledged to get them to Jack before night came, it was the least he could do to help ease the other man’s workload. He’d seemingly been drowning himself in liquor when he hadn’t been filling out more and more paperwork to cover every lost or missing man. The injured had been draining the medical team in the meantime, whilst Jesse quietly worked his way through engineering new limbs and fixing things like old times. Nobody got enough credit, only the few that had bombed the remaining hubs for the omnics. Five of them, five young kids that had only joined the squad in the last six months. Maybe they were disposable, he would never know, but it seemed unfair that not even Jack was credited with saving their asses.

Kicking a scrap of paper across the ground and tossing the other papers onto the workbench behind him, he let out a huff of frustration. He was hardly bitter about this, hell he didn’t have enough energy for that, just frustrated about the whole thing. Ever since he’d gotten back the radio had sat collecting dust, he was too scared to turn it on after hearing what they had to say about everyone. Occasionally they’d dragged him into it, though only naming him as “the bowman's boyfriend”, and blaming him for making him go soft. Somehow, everyone got tied up in the media's mess, there was no way out of it so they’d just learnt to suck it up in the end.

He was due to be sent home upon the recovery of Hanzo, the war had no place for the engineers they had once relied so heavily - though it was uncertain with the amount of work that had suddenly begun to pile up. He’d finished most of what he needed to do, the scrap metal lying uselessly on the ground in piles. Though he’d received word of Hanzo waking up from whatever the hell had happened to him, most of those that had visited had mentioned he refused to speak. He was tempted to visit, but he wasn’t sure if he could cope with the silence.

Even Jack had made an effort though it proved futile, he seemed to have left the room in a rush. Whether or not he had spoken it was unknown, though if he had he reckoned it was something to do with Gabe. The man had been in their custody for mere days and already things had happened. He hadn’t tried to leave, though his ghosting seemed almost… uncontrollable. The screams that left his mouth in the dead of night were haunting, and the one time he had caught a glimpse of him he’d been begging for someone, anyone to kill him.

His tinkering continued late into the night, finally getting most of his work done, and he decided that for once he would call it a night. Sleep was beginning to tempt him, though as he spotted the neat pile of papers in the corner he let out a sigh. Jack was right, there was no rest for the weary. As his boots clicked across the concrete floor, his mind drifted yet again to the memories of the short time he and Hanzo had been blessed with before the war destroyed what little they had. Appearing before the familiar door, he eyed it up and down when he spotted markings running up and down.

The word “commander” had been hastily scratched and rubbed away, instead replaced with such words as “coward”, “traitor” and beyond. It ranged from juvenile insults to homophobic hatred, and left him disgusted that his almost second family could do such a thing to him.

His hand rested on the door knob, and the door swung open shortly after to liquor bottles and discarded cigarettes strewn lazily all around the office. It was a saddening sight, and the man lay at his desk, hot tears running down his face.

“Got ya the papers that ya needed.” He mumbled, his gaze drifting around the room. “Ya need to take a break Jack, this ain’t right. You ain’t right doin’ this to yourself.”

“I fucked up.”

The words seemed to slip out his mouth before he realised what he was saying, and two long strides brought Jesse to his side, a firm arm wrapping around the commander’s shoulders comforting him as best he could.

“That was Gabe. Now get up, ya ain’t sittin’ here a damn minute longer.”

Ignoring the protests that left his mouth, Jesse virtually dragged him out the office and straight to the showers. Patience wasn’t a skill he possessed but hell if it killed him he was going to get the man better. It was the least he could do in return for the sympathy and time he’d given him over the years, and as he turned to look at the shell of a man he realised quite how much he needed to do it.

“I’m not showering. Too much… other stuff.”

He mumbled, and with a groan Jesse turned on the shower.

“Nothin’” He began. “Is more important than getting’ ya better. Whaddya think Hanzo thinks? What about Gabe?”

“Gabe doesn’t care, Hanzo doesn’t care. Nobody in this damn place gives a shit!”

“I give a shit, ya better believe it. Hanzo spoke so damn highly of ya sometimes I coulda sworn he loved ya. Gabe, ain’t close to the man anymore but he screams your damn name at night and cries his apologies. He cares.”

Jesse turned away when Jack started to undress, leaning against the wall as he heard him get into the shower. He’d done his part, for now this should be something. The man was only a few years older than him yet he was wiser than he’d like to admit. Genji would like him, knowing the pair of them they’d probably hit it off talking about something almost in another language. It had happened before with Zenyatta, though as soon as they returned he would make sure to ask how they were doing – the last he had heard was that they were dating and in all honesty it made perfect sense to everyone around them.

That was of course besides his parents who decided that at the tender age of sixteen they would kick him out just for going against their wishes, even going as far as to try and convince Hanzo to kill his brother. Evidently he never gave in, but it seemed to rip a hole in the family, Hanzo siding with Genji far more than his parents after they threatened to send a hitman after him because of it, and because of the fact he feared for his safety.

Even though his parents were familiar with him, he’d heard them behind closed doors threatening Hanzo if he were to date a man. It was a messed up arrangement, but if something bad were to happen Jesse had made it abundantly obvious many times that Hanzo was welcome if they were to do anything.

Hearing the shower turn off, he diverted his attention to the commander before him, towel hanging dangerously low on his waist. At any other time, he would’ve been trying to get in his pants (or lack thereof) but even the way he held himself signified how vulnerable he felt. As the pair wandered to his room which was just down the hall, he let out a quiet sigh. This wasn’t going to be easy, but alas it had to be done.

As the door swung open, he shuffled in, greying hair catching the last of the light that remained. Placing the clothes he’d once been wearing on the back of the chair that rested in the corner of the room a sigh echoed through the room.

“Thanks for all this, I probably needed this.”

Jack said, a light chuckle hanging in the air.

“Ain’t a problem, gotta help a friend in need.” He responded with a tip of his hat. “Just make sure to keep doin’ it, lay off the alcohol and take care of yourself some more.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

With a sad smile, Jesse took it as sign to leave. He’d already done as much as he could, so after bidding him farewell he retired to his quarters. Whilst sleep may not overtake him just yet, it seemed better than waiting anxiously until morning came.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slides in  
> so i hope you enjoyed this mediocre (and seriously ooc) chapter, idk where it was going but oh well ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> also ive been running a mchanzo (and genyatta but hush) server, so if youre interested in joining a drama free place for yall to share your art and fanfic feel free to drop in. ill fite if these links dont work lmao.
> 
> **[High Tiddy™](https://discord.gg/MzVAd6M) **
> 
> **[Transcend the Booty™](https://discord.gg/bkCAe4F) **


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raku runs in and trips over, unfinished oneshots and drafts spill out her Google docs as she openly weeps.  
> "I'm sorry, I just fell into AU hell."  
> She whispers as she tosses this chapter at you.

The clocks ticking was the only sound in the room, the blank wall all Hanzo could see. He just wanted to speak, but the no sound left his mouth as he tried to force the words out. The pain was excruciating even when he was high on the pain medication, and though he tried to force a reassuring smile onto his face he found himself unable to.

More than once someone had shown up in his room, crying and blaming themselves. He couldn’t move to help them, he couldn’t speak to tell them it wasn’t their fault. The only person who was at fault was Gabriel and even then he wasn’t entirely at fault, he’d heard them talking to him and telling him he’d been brainwashed.

Maybe if he hadn’t tried to be noble, they wouldn’t be in this situation.

Jack had hailed him a hero, told him he’d single handedly helped to end the war but he hadn’t. He’d been reckless, thrown himself into the line of fire because he could. Most of his time was spent staring at the wall now, thinking about what he could’ve done differently. Killing Gabe, it was the worst thing he could’ve done. His vow to never kill someone innocent was broken, and now he was there with blood stained hands waiting for the inevitable backlash.

Jesse never showed up, maybe he’d run off because who wanted a murderer for a boyfriend anyway. He silently cursed at himself for ever being naive enough to consider he had a chance, especially in the midst of a war where everything ended. Innocence, friendships, lives, the list could go on. Life went on though, and though he wished he’d come and show his face and tell him it was fine it became less and less likely the more time went on.

Though he was offered everything imaginable to give them answers, to try and tell them he never could. There was no reason for him to try when there was nothing to go back to, a world ravaged by war and what little remained was hardly worth it.

The answers they pried for, bribed him for, they never came. More than once he’d seen Jack come in with a bottle of unlabeled liquid (which he was hesitant to assume was alcohol, for the mere thought of Jack drowning himself in alcohol was devastating enough) in one hand and his head in the other. The tears he was forcing back caused him a great deal of pain though he could hardly vocalize his thoughts thus he was left regretting everything.

“What did he do-”

Jack had begged, hands running through his hair which was steadily greying. He opened his mouth to respond, but all that had come out was a choked sob. Reliving the entire thing in his head was hard enough, telling him about it was something he couldn’t bear to do. The cowboy was the one to eventually shake words out of him, when he came with news he’d been dismissed. It hardly surprised him, the army wasn’t about to let a useless soldier leech off them - he’d already lost his legs and put them at a disadvantage so it seemed to be the final straw.

The rays of sunshine that came through his window were a bother, and though he sat there staring at the wall he couldn’t resist the urge to slam it shut. Sitting up was a pain, and his body screamed at him to stop but he was too far. His arms were much the same, every inch of him ached but that was to be expected having spent goodness knows how long still.

He knew they’d be watching, they always watched, and he felt tempted to wave at the camera they thought he couldn’t see. He wasn’t sure why it was there, maybe they were just worried he was going to try and kill someone else. But he was done with it, the blood haunted him and he couldn’t shake the feeling of terror even weeks after it had happened.

He wasn’t sure why seeing the cowboy was more effective than any of the pain medication he’d been on, but when he shuffled through the door evidently bearing news he lit up. Forcing himself to move, he looked over at him, if he’d have had the strength to do so he would’ve held him close and apologised over and over for everything. Feeling fingers intertwine with his, he gently squeezed his hand in turn with a small smile falling on his lips before long.

“We’re going home.”

Came the words, gentle and patient as if he was testing the waters and his grip tightened.

“Home?”

His own voice was almost foreign, quiet and unused and he almost sounded scared of the inevitability of returning to the place. He didn’t  _ want  _ to see what the war had done to the place he remembered so fondly yet he so boldly wanted to return to the place. Rebuild what once was, find his family - find himself once again.

From what he’d seen in newspaper clippings the Shimada estate was destroyed but that was fine. His mother and father however weren’t, captured during the war they had narrowly avoided death. Genji has escaped, run away to Nepal with his boyfriend and hidden from the war - never allowed the fact that they were supposed to be enemies destroy the peace they had luckily. But his parents, they had nearly gotten themselves killed because of how  naive and selfish they were and he couldn’t help the shame that he harboured in silence.

“Home. Together.”

If Hanzo’s heart could have swelled with joy any more than it already had, he was certain it would’ve done just that. With the little strength he could muster, he slung his arms around the other man and hauled him closer with a smile.

“Thank you.”

He murmured, the words slipping out as he felt arms wrap around him. They’d won a war, they could do it.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is (maybe) the end. There may be more chapters, it depends on what happens. I will however be focusing time on writing that side story I mentioned a while back ('Letters to Jesse' I believe) and more oneshots. I just want to say thank you so much for all the kudos, the bookmarks, the lovely comments and the overwhelming support on both sites this is published on.   
> If you do wanna come scream at me for finishing this please drop by my discord server (https://discord.gg/MzVAd6M) or send me anon stuff on my tumblr (takanopewrites.tumblr.com). Or you could just send me prompts. Prompts are great.  
> Anyways thank you again for reading, feel free to drop a comment and/or some kudos and hopefully I'll see some of y'all on my other fics.


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